Do you want to go for coffee sometime?

I know the agonizing experience of asking someone out. I feel sick, sticky with sweat, my stomach churning and my heart pounding. The build-up is painful enough. And then, in that final moment of asking, and giving up all agency, my heart stops beating. Time is still and I’m standing there, but I’m dead… waiting.

It’s terrifying and often we tell ourselves, or our friends, that it’s not worth it. Why does one go through all that? Is it hope that this could forever fill a void? Is it beauty so compelling that it replaces fear? Is it desperation with nothing left to lose?

This is the incredible chance that Brad Wicklunds work takes. It prepares painstakingly for that moment. There are plans, how to dress, where to stand. It has all its shit together. But there is also doubt. Holding its breath, it walks up to deliver its best line…

And in that moment it dies. Its heart stops just like mine, waiting in a state of half death for a response. A coffee container could be politely declined, or worse, used once out of pity. A guided meditation heard over a supermarket intercom could be ignored or laughed at. Maybe the audience feels they can do better, or prefers things the way they were. All the others in the room are waiting for someone to come to them. I don’t know if it’s compelled by hope, or beauty, or desperation but despite all the risks, it continues to take this marvelous chance.